At what age did you start to notice (and care) about how others perceive you?

There is a time in childhood where we dance at weddings, sing loudly and out of tune, cut our own hair and tell everyone what size piece of cake we really want.

Something happens as we age and notice social expectations. We slowly or sometimes quickly lose that authenticity we never thought about when we were younger.

I like to ask clients to go back to the time in their lives before life’s hurts and embarrassments became the barriers to being our true self. Most people seem to point to middle school when social groups formed and they were excluded or included based on looks or talent (or lack of talent). It is often a shocking moment when we realize how much of our confidence we lost due to others sideways glances, or ways they discounted us.

We all have examples-I have a TON. What we are supposed to look like, sound like, such pressure. Even remembering the transition to “socially appropriate “ makes me anxious right now as I type.

We work with adolescents and adults who feel exactly like I do. I would have loved to have someone in my corner while I was growing up who told me I was allowed to be different, actually unique and loved for who I am. I am so pleased when I can provide that for someone else.

Find a time to journal your moment when you let others determine your worth and decide now if that information is useful or a barrier to being your true self.