Evaluating your options for how strongly to ask for something (or just say NO)

Before asking for something or saying no to a request, decide how intensely (or strongly) you want to hold your ground. Don’t answer the text immediately, go to another room for a minute, or two, and really think about how important it is to you. No wrong answers! It’s what you think, so its true and valid.

So now that you have thought about it-are you feeling the request is small, not a big deal and easily manageable or is it a “Are you kidding?” kind of moment. After you have made a decision, you can behave in a way that stays true to yourself.

Some examples of asking someone for something and times we have to say no are:

Asking someone else for something- start with an ask, don’t hint. ask tentatively; take a no.

When it is important to you- ask confidently; take no, or ask firmly, resist no.

Saying “No”:

If it isn’t that important to you: do what the other person wants without being asked or do it, even if your not cheerful about it.

If the request made of you is something you do not want to do: say no firmly and resist saying yes, or say no firmly, negotiate, keep trying to get what you want.

Why is this so important?

  • The effect of your actions can improve or take away from your self respect
  • It establishes your priorities, improves ability to listen to what you want.
  • It honors your short term and long term goals.

Evaluating relationships, our long and short term goals and how well we listen to our own needs is a great way to practice self care.

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